Hey, bro. I know it’s hard out there for a straight man to find a good novel to read. Time was you could just pick up the latest Steinbeck or Hemingway and get on with your life. You’re busy working the grind—to say nothing of managing your masculinity—so here’s ten novels by men, for men. I suppose women can read them, too, but their novels take up enough space, amirite?

The Plot Against America by Phillip Roth

Look, I know you read Hillbilly Elegy on its first go round, so why not take a chance on this novel by one of America’s foremost dead white men?

Freedom by Jonathan Franzen

You probably eschewed this one initially since it was an Oprah’s Book Club pick, but you can rest assured that Franzen is as safely straight as they come.

Toxic Prey by John Sanford

Hey-oh! This is number 34 in the series, so if you like it you can catch up on the other 33 and never have to worry about reading anything else ever again.

Flashpoint by Catherine Coulter

Oops. This one’s written by a woman and has a female FBI agent as one of the main characters. Just imagine she looks like Scully from The X-Files.

Hope by Andrew Ridker

Do straight men read family sagas? Idk. Give this one a shot, and let me know.

Absalom, Absalom! By William Faulkner

I bet your girlfriend hasn’t read this Southern Gothic.

The Heart in Winter by Kevin Barry

Takes place in Butte, Montana. Nuff said.

The Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris

Featuring the late, great Hannibal Lechter.

Brat by Gabriel Smith

It’s not just for Charli XCX.

Eruption by Michael Crichton and James Patterson

No comment. 

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I wrote the above after reading Why don’t straight men read novels? on Dazed earlier this week.¹ It’s a ridiculous premise, of course, not least of which because the article has absolutely nothing to do with straight men in particular. They’re mentioned in the title and then nowhere else in the text. She claims that “masculinity continues to be in crisis” and that “the bookish man is a rare species”; however, she follows that up by pointing out “1.2 million people follow the @hotdudesreading Instagram.” One of those things is not like the other…

Now, the above is a far more interesting premise, in my opinion, but I suppose the lede wouldn’t be quite as clickbait-y. It may be true statistically that men read more non-fiction, but even if one claims that “young adult fiction is the near-total domain of the teenage girl — including what is made, marketed, sold, and read” it doesn’t also follow that there aren’t enough novels being published specifically for a male audience. Like, please be serious. And of course, at the end of the day, anyone can choose to choose to read whatever they want regardless of gender or sexuality.

Is that guy straight? I don’t know and I don’t care, but he’s reading Dune so he’s ok in my book!

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¹ I also submitted it to McSweeney’s and got “a funny one but I am going to pass” rejection. Not bad for a first try!